Sunday, February 19, 2012

An Update... to say the least

Yup, she's backkkk!

I've been MIA for the past few months trying to sort out if I still wanted to blog, how I hope to build community around my health and weighloss goals and essentially what would be next.

After a lot of thought (and little action) on this I have to decided to come back to where I started this crazy idea to share my 100 lbs+ weight loss journey with all of you. 

There will most likely be some changes in presentation, tracking and sharing which I hope to create in the upcoming week. Stay Tuned :)

But more importantly... since I began this blog in August 2011.. 
I have lost 22.2 lbs!! 
(15.5 of which have been in the last 3 weeks - more to come on that in upcoming posts)

Authentically yours,

Friday, November 25, 2011

Houston, We have a HUGE Blind Spot

Hmm... so that blind spot? Yeah, it's my health.  I literally see everything else in the world before I see my health needs.  I have made amazing strides professionally in the past 2-3 months, but have failed when it comes to my health.  Its like I somehow half expect my health to take care of itself because I am doing great in other areas of my life. 

Although, I am upset about not fulfilling my goals up to this point, I am proud that I'm still here.  Typically I would run away as fast as I could from this blog, from my friends questions, and from the mirror. 

I have bad habits and am not good at the day-to-day of things.  I am a visionary/big picture type - so I have the idea of who I want to be physically and health wise but am not taking the action to get there.  So I need to tackle this blind spot.. this huge hole from my vision to my day-to-day actions.

Help a sista out: What works for you - what small steps do you  take everyday?/ How do you keep yourself accountable? 

Sorry for the choppy-ness of this post.. but I needed to put it out there. 

Sunday, September 25, 2011

A month of change, learning, and forgiveness

This month has been full (actually spilling over) : full of life and full of challenge


A. I started a new job on September 1.  And by job I mean I am participating in a National Service Program, where I volunteer at an organization/school/foundation 32 to 45 hours a weeks, participate in leadership training, work on community projects, and network like crazy so I basically work 50-60 hours a week - easy.  I will be doing this for the next 10 months.  Fortunately, I did this same program last year - so I know the drill, but it's still a minor shock after having the month of August off. 

B. Oh yeah, and the last week of August I decided to lose 100 lbs. yeah, that's a change. 

So mixing A + B = C, and C is for CHAOS.  It has proven to be incredible difficult to get use to a new job, new team, new goals, and all of this, all at once... this is where learning and forgiveness come in.


What I have learned...
  • I have personally come a LONGGG way in the past year
  • There are some areas in my life I need an extreme amount of structure and other areas where I do not (or I think I don't) 
  • I pour myself into my job/work and forget about the day to day life needs
  • I go into fight of flight mode when I am uncomfortable, unfamiliar, or looking for direction
    • I start to shut down under these circumstances and I try to "fake it til I make it" but that is utterly exhausting
What I still need to learn...
  • How to balance my work and life
  • How to lean into the discomfort/unfamiliar with a little more ease
  • How to build structure for the areas of my life that need it


I don't know it all and I make mistakes.  And I hate it. I want to know everything, I want to see everything coming, and I especially have no patience for the process (most of the time).  I am really trying to forgive and be kinder with myself.  This is going to be a life long process... to wake up and love myself no matter what.  

So what am I going to do with all of this?

1. I am starting Weight Watchers on Tuesday. This will offer structure while still keeping me honest and making good choices.
2. More Journaling, More Self-reflection, More gratitude (forgiveness in full effect) & More Blogging (I want to use this tool for what I intended it for in the 1st place)
3. Exercise (even if just for 10 minutes), Water, and proper sleep EVERYDAY.  

Has anyone out there had a dramatic change at the beginning of weight loss journey?  How did you handle it or get through it? I'd love some advice

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and have a beautiful week! 

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

So about that bullsh*t...

I started this blog to be accountable, to drop the bullshit and to document my journey to my most authentic healthy self.  But when the going gets tough- the tough go... silent?! That's what I've felt like (and haven't felt too tough by the way).  It got tough, really early, and I shut up.  I immediately felt myself wanting to swallow all my words, delete the blog and go into hiding.  Sh*t, what have I gotten myself into? Am I really going to do this?! 

Since my last post, I have shared my grand plans with my nearest and dearest - and have received pretty amazing support thus far.  But I also feel like my family and best friends don't know exactly how to support me and I really don't know exactly how I need to be supported - I just know I need it.  Why? Because I'm scared - I'm scared I'm going to fail but I'm also somehow afraid to succeed. 

This is the tough stuff, the bullsh*t, I so desperately need to sort through.  

When I began all this (only a week and half ago) I felt GREAT and was SO EXCITED, but then the doubt crept in. Doubt that I can NOT do this and doubt I actually CAN! All the while, I secretly think I was waiting for the doubt to show up, pour itself a drink, and drag me down with it.  But I've stayed partially resilient: I've kept  up the healthy eating but I have let the doubt steal all my energy and exhaust me. (and haven't exercised in 4 days)  

I am at my worst and least authentic self when I am tired.  I become anxious, worried, and feel physically and mentally weak.   This has been the hardest challenge so far.  I have struggled immensely to still feel good and be confident when I am absolutely drained.  At this point I have no idea how to help myself through the doubt... 

I hate to talk about my bullsh*t, because it makes me feel 13 different shades of vulnerable, I think I MUST share it here, really reflect and dig deep, and get input in order to move through it and leave it behind. 

So let's welcome to the bullsh*t center stage: Fear and Doubt and the resulting effects.

How have you dealt with Fear and Doubt in your journey?  How do you manage/fake out/move through the resulting effects of this awfully dynamic duo?

Monday, August 22, 2011

Right here. Right Now: Gym Edition

There are so many things I want to say and I want to share about my journey up to this point and what I hope for the future.  BUT I can feel myself already getting 5 miles ahead of myself. One of my biggest challenges is to stay engaged, right here, right now in this moment.  (and isn't that was authenticity is all about?!)

So I am going to write about "the NOW" and enjoy it.

Today was my first day back to the gym in months.  I was really anxious even thinking about going to the gym for a number of reasons.  The stares at the "big girl", feeling like I did not belong, and looking weak just to name a few.  Thankfully, this is a gym I've been to before, so that was a minor relief this stressful excursion. 

Guess what?! All that stress and anxiety WAS FOR NOTHING!  

Once I jumped on an elliptical all the fear, anxiety, and stress was gone.  No one was looking at me like I assumed they would.  I felt (and still feel) great and motivated to make this a habit.

What I wasn't expecting was the clarity exercing provided me today.  In my last post I talked about not knowing exactly what my goals would be but I knew they would come to me. And they did. So here are some fitness goals that I identified today:
  • Immediate: Weekly: Cardio Exercise (bike or elliptical) 4 times per week (at least 20 minutes but more if I'm feeling good - again, I don't want to ever feel like anything is a death sentence)
  • Be Physically Fit Enough To:
    • Attend Spin Class! I've just always wanted to try spin!
    • Add StairMaster to weekly cardio: This was my FAVORITE machine when I was super fit - I felt like a super hero whenever I worked out on it. I want that feeling again!
    • *I hope to attack both of these by December 1, 2012 - but I want to be sure I am physically ready so I'm not writing that one in stone.
  • Complete a 5K in January/February 2012
So happy I stayed engaged and in the moment today! It made for a wonderful day full of A-Ha moments - I wish you the same :) 

 What were your fitness goals when you first started?! 
How did you measure up to the goals you set?

Saturday, August 20, 2011

On my way ..

.. and doing it differently.  I have began and ended more diets and exercise routines that I care to name.  And ya know what?  I'm tired.  And I don't care to buy into anymore hype or quick fixes.  

A little under a year ago I made a promise to myself to create a life I love to live.  No small task.  This past year I have worked incredibly hard to find and create that life. I have switched jobs/industries, built relationships with INCREDIBLE people, began journaling and really started to tackle some mental/physical/time obstacles.  I also had hoped to lose a bunch of weight during that time.  But I realized in the midst of all this change something had to give, and unfortunately my weight took the back seat. 

But now, a year ish later... a healthy authentic lifestyle can and will be a TOP priorityAnd that is a beautiful thing.

Now.. what am I going to do differently? 
  • # ONE) I am not going to have a some EPIC start day
    • By epic I mean "I'm starting on MONDAY and I will never look at bread, pasta or anything with one ounce of fat in it EVER again"
    • I don’t want to have that "this is my last meal the night before the epic day" feeling like I’m going to the chair..  
This is not a death sentence... 
it is a life worth living sentence

So what am I doing instead of that insanity!? I’m just easing in to it.. but this does not mean I will be haphazard and scatter brained with no goals.  Once I decided my health was going to be a true top priority last week I started making better choices that day and I continue to.  I am going to gradually add fitness, add calorie counting, and subtract the negatives (all of which I will share here)

  • # TWO) I am not going to go from a glorified couch potato to a vegan triathlete overnight
    • This goes back to the easing into it that I referenced earlier.
    • By the end of a year of weight loss and healthy living you can bet your pretty little face that I will be counting every calorie, running all over the place and have more energy than I know what to with.  But Day 365 isn't Day 1.  
    • I can't change every single thing I do regarding health, eating and exercise in 35 seconds so I am not going to try and set myself up to fail.
 What will I be doing? Setting (achievable) goals,  making focused intentional changes and being proud of the small things.
  • # THREE) I am not weighing myself for the 1st month
    • In recent history, all of my attempts at weight loss have fizzled after the 1st weigh in for several reasons:
      • 1. I lose LESS than I think I should have (total bummer, shall I be Sad Sally or Negative Nancy for the next week?)
      • 2. I lose MORE than I think I would have (free pass to eat whatever I want right?!)
      • 3. I lose EXACTLY what I thought I would (OMG- I must know everything there is to know about weight loss - duh - this whole thing is going to be a breeze)
      • ALL OUTCOMES RESULT IN: me doing something ridiculous and sabotaging myself.
        • Please note: I will weigh myself tomorrow (8/21) and then not weigh in again until the last week of September.
Simply put: I can't have any of those outcomes this time.  So 30 days without the scale's feedback will be hard but worth it.

So you are probably thinking: so what ARE your goals!?
The big one: 100 lbs down by September 1, 2012
(I haven't 100% figured out how I want to break 
it down but I will share once I do)

As for the rest... Still bouncing around ideas about the exact structure of this blog - What I hope for is to be brutally honest about my journey, talk about budget friendly meal options and share any and all other fabulous health, fitness, weight loss information I can. So excuse me while I fly by the seat of my pants for the next 2-ish weeks - I really wanted to jump in and make this blog happen!
I don't know who will read this - but I hope someone out there gets it and can relate. If that's you? Thanks for being hereSay hi / leave a comment / Stalk my blog for a  little while - just know I would love to hear from you and follow your journey!